Here’s Why Vanessa Really Left “The Ultimatum” Season 3

Warning: This piece discusses substance abuse. Major spoilers for The Ultimatum Season 3 Episode 4 to come.

If you’ve watched any of the post-dating episodes of The Ultimatum, then you were likely equally as surprised as I was to see two couples abruptly…leave.

Neal Mei/Netflix

Just like that, Vanessa, Dave, Micah, and Chanel were no more, with essentially no explanation given. I was especially surprised by the former. She appeared to have developed a connection with Nick after issuing an ultimatum to her partner Dave, only to (or so the show depicted) leave Nick completely blindsided with her exit.

Netflix

So, I spoke with both Vanessa Hattaway and Nicholas Tramontin to get the off-camera, off-social media breakdown of what happened. If I’m honest, it wasn’t entirely what I was expecting.

Let’s start with Vanessa’s side of things. She described being “really hesitant” to appear on the show after a casting director reached out to her, as she said neither she nor Dave had “any interest in exploring like other relationships.”

Once the dating began, she said that she ranked poorly on the other men’s list of choices — leading her to Nick. She explained, “I felt really rejected and very alone. He was kind of my only option. I say that not to be mean, but it’s a fact. I was looking to make the most of it, and we really did have this true friendship. There were a lot of connections on many different, like, levels where we had a lot in common, or so it seemed.”

“As soon as I moved in, I very quickly found out that he had been untruthful about many of those things. He had manipulated me to create this false sense of connection,” she continued, alleging that Nick was untruthful about things like the extent of his being homeschooled or in his on-camera accounts of what had happened with them during the day.

“There’s no cameras or mics in the bedroom. Anytime he wanted to share something that he didn’t want to be aired on national television, he would say, ‘Hey, I need to talk to you.’ He would pull me in the bedroom, close the door, and share some crazy shit with me behind closed doors that made me feel very differently about him. It was very difficult for me to put on this happy-go-lucky act,” she said.

Vanessa claimed that Nick was abusing substances, which he denies. Describing the situation as “extremely concerning,” she alleged, “He was abusing alcohol every day and I was living with this person.” She said she shared her concerns with Dave, telling him she wanted to leave: “Dave had no part in me leaving, he did not manipulate me into leaving.”

From Nick’s perspective, he said that the “energy shifted” once they moved in together due to Vanessa’s focus on work. However, things were additionally challenging once he found out about J.R. and Sandy’s kiss. He explained, “I unfortunately started drinking, and I was pretty emotional in that state. And I was kind of cold and dismissive toward Vanessa. I would say that I was not the best version of myself. I’ve heard people say that I was using drugs. I have used drugs in my life. I was not using drugs on the show whatsoever.”

“Especially [during] the time I was spending alone, I think there’s no question that I was drinking too much,” he continued, emphasizing that he was not untruthful during his intake for the show. “I was not drinking in excess with the crew. They had drink limits, at social events they were like, ‘Okay, guys, two drink minimum limit.’ They were being pretty cautious about it. I’m my own person. [I was] living in an apartment by myself and had access to whatever I wanted.”

After the show, Nick partook in an inpatient program and is now sober. He noted that Vanessa has called him “manic” for an incident in which he set up a disco ball and music in their apartment, which he had intended to be “jovial” and “fun” after a difficult day. “To call that manic seems a bit extreme. I was genuinely trying to shift the mood and lighten the mood. I understand that she wasn’t in that head space,” he said.

As for Netflix, they did not respond to BuzzFeed’s request for comment.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.