This Woman Went Viral After Sharing Incredibly Smart “Safety” Tips For Women When Their Gut Instincts Are Screaming, And It’s Genuinely The Most Practical Advice I’ve Heard
“Women are conditioned to be polite and accommodating, but your gut instincts are going to be screaming red alert when you don’t feel comfortable with this person.”
Warning: possible spoilers for “Woman of the Hour.” The story discusses sexual and physical assault.
When Anna Kendrick’s Woman of the Hour was released on Netflix in October, it grabbed the number one spot on the streaming platform after being acquired for 11 million dollars (to which Anna donated her salary to RAINN and the National Center for Victims of Violent Crime). While this achievement is impeccable for Anna’s directorial debut for a 24-day scheduled shoot, the truest achievement is how women have been resonating with the film, which centers around a real-life serial killer who targeted girls and women in the 1970s.
The reason why it’s been resonating with so many women is because of how Anna (who was also a producer) was able to capture the accuracy and nuance of a woman’s perspective and experience that is often missed by male directors who have directed similar films or TV shows in the past.
For example, TikToker @feministforeveryone discussed how the real horror in these kinds of movies is when a woman realizes she’s in danger. “It’s not the moment of unaliving — that’s what a lot of male directors focus on: this horrific, gruesome, disgusting moment of unaliving, and sometimes it’s overdone … but that’s not the real moment of horror. The real horror in these kinds of movies is when a woman realizes she’s in danger.”
Another TikToker, @ariannakyanne, added that it was amazing to witness how the film didn’t focus on his charming personality or overall looks like previous serial killer films and TV shows. “They didn’t lean into that. Yes, he has a way with words, but he’s still disgusting, filthy, and grungy… just a monster,” she said. “It perfectly captured the anxiety of being around men and trying to baby and placate them so they don’t lose their temper — and just the anxiety of being a woman alone with a man and the feeling of not being believed and how the justice system over and over again fails women and girls.”
Other women have highlighted how their male partners have reacted to the film as well. @notaboytyler said in a video that she watched Woman of the Hour with her husband, and when her spidey senses went off during certain scenes, her husband was really confused. “He was like, ‘I don’t understand. What are you saying?’ And I was like, ‘Do you not see it? How creepy [the serial killer is] being? Something has changed.’ And he genuinely just didn’t get it,” she said.
All of this to say, there’s one reason why Anna hit the nail on the head when it came to the subtle nuances of emotions a woman may experience when she realizes she’s in danger, and that’s because she was involved in an abusive relationship — which she’s talked about in previous interviews. “I got out of a really bad relationship, and I think there was something in this [movie] that has that same kind of dread; that same kind of terror of going like, ‘I really thought I could trust this person,'” she told Drew Barrymore.
So, it makes sense why she shouted out a very specific TikTok by @rachellovely5 on her own Instagram that highlighted how a woman can protect themselves in social situations. “In the video, Rachel really takes the time to say, ‘None of this is to say that if you had just known this when something bad happened, everything would have been fine, and it’s not meant to shame,’ and that really warmed by heart,” Anna explains.
According to the TikTok that Anna shared, Rachel said there are a few things she has done in public, on dates, or in general life that she feels have kept her safe when her gut was telling her that she felt like something was off. So here’s a breakdown of each of the tips she provided in the video:
The first situation: When you’re in the elevator with someone who doesn’t sit right with you.
“So because of the type of elevator I was on,” she continues, “As soon as the elevator started moving up, the first thing that I did was pull my purse like this and start digging; I’m looking through it. Then, when the elevator doors go ‘ding,’ I hold my arm like this on the doors, I look at him, and I say, ‘You go ahead, I forgot my book in the lobby.’ I don’t know why, but making eye contact always makes me feel better in those situations, and I never let the person stand fully behind me.”
The second situation: If you’re in the elevator that doesn’t need a key with someone who doesn’t sit right with you.
“Let’s say he sees the floor and says, ‘I’m also going to 18.’ This has happened before. … In that moment, I say, ’18?’ and I turn around and look and see that ’18’ is highlighted because that’s where I needed to go. I’ll be like, ‘Oh, perfect!’, and I’ll hit it again, so he sees it — and then I’ll say, ‘I’m actually going to 22.’
“Same thing: when the elevator door dings, I put my arm out, I will look at him, and I will go, ‘This is your floor; have a good one.'”
The third situation: If a person asks for your number.
“So, of course, my phone doesn’t ring, and I say super curiously and sweetly (because all of this is survival tactics) — like whatever you have to do to get yourself out of a situation. There’s no shame involved when you’re trying to get yourself out of an uncomfortable or possibly dangerous situation. I’ll say, ‘What number did you put in?’ He shows it, and I’ll go, ‘Oh, that two needs to be a three.’ Calls again, and of course, the phone rings, but luckily, I can block the number.”
The fourth situation: At a bar with someone you no longer want to be with.
“So, I will start putting on Oscar-worthy performances. I’ll be like, ‘Actually, my car was giving me trouble earlier, so my sister is going to drive here and give me a ride home.’ Or I’ll be like, ‘Actually, my co-worker forgot her notebook at work — she lives right here — so I’m just gonna go, and she’s gonna meet me here and just grab it.’ And you just start saying goodbye. You don’t get up, you don’t leave, you don’t go toward the door. You are sitting on that bar stool, and you’re glued to that bar stool.”
After Rachel shared her tips, other women posted more tips in the comments. Here are some of their responses below:
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While it’s infuriating for women even to have to keep these safety tips in their back pocket, to have a movie created about a serial killer who targeted women and girls, or for Anna even to experience an abusive long-term relationship in the first place, I hope the above tips provide some help even a little bit for you or a loved one.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
Dial 988 in the US to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.